Success Secrets 06

Taking away systems, processes or procedures that actually work very well can be an excellent way of controlling your staff and ensuring that they don’t show up your inadequacies.

Some managers make the mistake of allowing intelligent, innovative, able and proactive staff to set up systems that work extremely well for the customers, the employees and even for shareholders (if you’re unlucky enough to have to worry about that lot). However, the serious danger is that these genuinely effective systems will show up senior managers and the systems they devise, or approve, as being the embodiment of inefficiency and inadequacy that they are.

So what do you do? It’s best to have outside authorities to blame – that is, to which you can attribute the demands for change. As is the zeitgeist, compliance bodies often provide a suitable solution. Of course, their demands are often as pointless, or even as destructive, as yours. But the point is, they are not you. Therefore when you tell your staff that they have to shut down their effective, efficient systems, you can commiserate with them. You can tell them how much you have appreciated all that they have done; but, alas, it is the compliance body that is forcing this change.

Of course, when you have shut down the effective systems devised by your staff, you are now completely in control. Because they have been minimally engaged with your ineffective, inefficient systems they will know little about how they work. As they adapt to the new operational protocols and systems, they will have to rely on you and your team to know what to do and how to solve the multitude of previously non-existent problems. This works to your advantage: you now have proof of how many times they log calls for assistance. Proof that they’re not as clever or as competent as people who admired their work used to think. 

And, now that they’re enmeshed in your systems, it is immeasurably easier to control them. After all, you can dictate how the systems work; you can change the rules at any time to make it harder for them; you can grant or deny the various levels of security or administration access. They have no choice other than to do your bidding. Perfect. 

Success Secrets 04

“Move Champions”

A sign of a brilliant manager is your ability to take a word that can have deep significance to people and give it prominence in your organisation by linking it to projects, logos, “values”, and the frequent use of fatuous jargon. Your ability to force this use of a word on the minions below will signal your alpha status.

Take “Champion” (it must have the capital), for example. It has strong links to sport and much of our population are addicted to sport and suck up its jargon unquestioningly. It also has the suggestion that you’re on people’s side and that you’re fighting for them.
Your triumph comes when you can force people to link it to something as mundane as moving office. The whole process of moving office and enduring the building works on site will be so much better and easier because you know that there is a Move Champion.
The scramble to get a car park brought on by a large parking area being closed will be bearable because you have a Move Champion fighting, somewhere, for you. Just knowing that there’s a Move Champion will help you cope so much more easily with the extra traffic in the area.

If you get shovelled into a smaller office and have nowhere to store all the compliance documents you’re supposed to store – don’t worry, there’s a Move Champion. Just knowing that there’s a Move Champion out there … somewhere … doing it for you, makes all the difference.

On “Team Straya”

The gentry of Team Straya now have their Titles back
’cause our anglophile PM thought it was so slack
that there was no noticeable remnant of medieval tradition
for the entitled to further aggrandise their position.

“The Age of Entitlement is gone”, we have been told
by the Lord Chamberlain so big, certain and bold;
but it’s important to have Knights and Dames once again
so with airs of importance they can themselves entertain.

It’s important too to be surrounded by servants
fulfilling each whim and being fully observant,
so quickly they can anticipate the needs of their Betters
and in their busyness not complain of their fetters.

The parties, champagne, luxuriant grandeur and glory
leave no time for a small jot of concern or worry
about climate, the poor, the weak or responsibility
but to the delusions of mindless frivolity.

But the echo of Ozymandias sneaks up behind,
and erodes self-entitlement with invisible wind,
chipping away the gloss of hubris and greed
and exposing beneath Ego’s desperate need.

And when the edifice of self importance lies in ruins,
a resilient spirit can embrace and nurture with fervour
the soil, sea and air, and all that lives intertwined therein,
and sweep away the foul remnants of oppression forever.